Hey, Landlord! Can you hear me now?

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Hey, Landlord Can you hear me now“Hey, Landlord! Can you hear me now?”

A recent poll was conducted to find out what every tenant would love for their landlord to hear.  Responses were, quite frankly, very entertaining……..

  1. My rent IS late, but only by ONE DAY! When you start hiding in the shadows waiting for me like a serial stalker after one day of being late, it’s not making me want to pay you any faster! I will pay you the money, but geez, BACK OFF!
  2. When you tell me you’ll have something fixed that isn’t working, actually send someone to fix it please. I’d like cold A/C before the snow arrives. (You know, during the SUMMER).
  3. There’s a little invention by Alexander Graham Bell you should learn to use properly. It’s called a telephone. It actually does more than just make calls to me 2 seconds after the rent is due. Do you hear that ringing sound? That’s me! Pick up the phone!
  4. I lived with my parents for over 18 years. Your property is NOT an extension of their home or that time, and you are definitely not an extension of them. You didn’t raise me, I’m a grown person, and yes….I do know how to control the noise volume AND pick up my trash.
  5. The rules you set forth for tenants are stricter than the ones for a high security prison. Do you really think you can tell me how often to flush the toilet and what time I need to wait for before I turn on the lights? I’m sorry, did I move to 1980’s Cold War Russia without realizing it?
  6. If you were going to freak out about pets, then you shouldn’t have advertised as “pet friendly”. Simple as that.
  7. When something falls apart in YOUR house, it is YOUR job to deal with it. That’s why I pay you that coveted rent money, isn’t it?

The responses from the landlords polled were even more amusing!

  1. I do not, nor have I ever, had “Bank of Big Pimping Money” stamped across my forehead. I’m on your case about MY rent money because I actually have my own mortgage and bills to pay. I’ll be glad to forward the people I owe money to your phone number, so you can tell them where exactly their money is.
  2. I am not the know-all, see-all guru of reliable repairmen. I realize there are delays with getting whatever is broken fixed. Yet, I don’t have a crystal ball in which to see who’s good, reliable, affordable, and prompt. (Of course, that would be the ONLY way I’d ever see one like that.)
  3. If I am not up to par as a responsive, courteous landlord who cares for meeting reasonable needs more than getting my rent money, please, feel free to fond another one. (Notice, I said “reasonable needs”. You NEED a radiator that works, you do not NEED granite countertops.)
  4. I’m not your mom. I’m not your dad. You’re not my kid. This IS your own space, so chill. And yes, I also know I can trust you to keep it down and pick up your trash.
  5. Everyone wants to test limits sometimes, so I have to include every asinine rule I can think up to put in the lease. (Slip-N-Slide in the kitchen anyone? Oh yeah, you’d be amazed.)
  6. I am actually “pet friendly”, and that’s why I asked for a pet deposit. Professional cleaners HAVE to be called in every time someone with a pet moves out due to dander and allergies.
  7. Um, yeah, I don’t want YOU to attempt to fix anything in MY house. I also don’t want YOU to wait until the floor is rotten and falling out before you decide to tell me about that “tiny” leak in the bathroom. Do me a favor, CALL ME when it really is tiny. I just might hear that ringing sound after all.